Writing a book

[Vargen Saphia]

Hello again.
Yesterday when I was listening to some new (to me, hadn't heard them before) Vocaloid songs, I just had to read something! I was surprised how strong the feeling was. I.Had.To.Read.Right.Now.Or.I.Will.Die!!!!!!!
But not just anything. It had to be the same storyline as in the song
But there isn't any book which is like it, that I know of, atleast not similar enough.
But the feeling was so strong I just had to something. Or die.
So, I decided that if I can't find a book like it, I'll write one myself!
But I don't want people to get angry at me and say "Stealer,stealer! That's Vocaloids song! You copier!" So instead of using the same storyline, I decided to rather make it inspired by the song.
I've written down how the story will go on my notepad, but it is so difficult to actually write with such a language in a book, that it immedately get's the reader interrested. I don't want just simple sentences like " I am hungry. I like hamburger." but still not so over-described that it makes the reader bored, or change the story too much.
So I actually, believe it or not, actually ask for help. (Where did my pride go?)

Please, DO NOT STEAL my idea. It'd make me very sad. Posting story & song in a minute. EDIT: And Idk why there is a . between youtu and be, but I can promise it goes to youtube, not any suspicious site.
http://youtu.be/I2PKHU-81fo

EDIT: The first part is written in presens, I know, but I was trying to find out which I liked the most, and then got too lazy to change it to imperfekt.

[Vargen Saphia]

Sigh!
Monday again. A whole week of school ahead of me. In addition, it's gonna be an English test the next day. Jipphie.
I sit on the bus on the way to school, along with a bunch of others who are going. On the seat beside me is my old backpack with my essay which is still not finished. I was supposed to have submitted it on Friday, but our Swedish teacher became ill, so we who were not done had to finish it til today, instead.
Outside the window I see the landscape glide past while it starts to rain. In the beginning a little easy, but after a few seconds, it almost look like spears made of raindrops. It's not exactly freezing on the bus, but enough that you feel cold. But rather take the bus than to walk three miles to school in the cold wind and rain.
I see something black flash by outside the window. Surprised, I turn and look out behind the bus. Nothing there. Strange, I thought I just saw someone go by the roadside. My eyes problably tricked me, which is not surprising given the fact that you can hardly see anything out there in the rain through the window.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Today we have a teacher a little surprise for you," said Niklas, one of our class ?, when he entered the classroom.
"Nooooooo no unprepared tests!" Someone moaned.
"No, this is fortunately that kind of surprise," Niklas gave a little laugh when he said it.
"But that we've gotten a new student in class. Come in!"
There had been some muttering before, but it was dead silent as eyes were drawn to the door.
In rose a long, pale white guy with &&&&& hair and blue / green / yellow / red? eyes. He was wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans. It felt like he looked directly at me. He sent me a smile and tossed his hair as he walked to the teacher's desk. I could feel my cheeks heat up.
"Hi. My name &&&&&&&&&& and will from today on be in your class." He still looked straight at me. But I had never met him before, so I looked around to see if it was someone else who was sitting behind me he was looking at, and discovered that the other girls seemed completely brain dead.
"Where are you from?" someone asked.
"That's a secret," He flashed a smile back at my direction.
"Do you have any siblings?"
"That's also a secret"
"Are you James Bond, or something?" asked one of the guys jokingly
"No, not really. Maybe" He grinned a little.
"What is your favorite subject?"
"Nothing special. Teachers here might be better off here than at my previous school, so we'll see"
Hrm hrm. Niklas cleared his throat a bit to regain attention.
"Since &&&&& is new here, perhaps you should show him around a bit, so that he knows where all the classrooms are"
At once a variety of girls offered themselves to show him around.
"Laura, perhaps you could help him?" Niklas ignored the others.
"Sure," I said. He grinned a little at me, and I got a brief glimpse of his teeth. I thought they looked a bit too sharp to be normal, but my eyes were probably tricking me again.
His gaze made me nervous. Please tell me that he is not staring at me because I'm ugly!

[Kazz]

I love that song <3

[LunaWolf]

If you need someone to proofread and edit grammar and punctuation and such, I'd be happy to help. I've done editing on a few stories my friends have written, along with my own, so I have some practice.

[Vargen Saphia]

Nah, I write it in Swedish and used google translate even tho it sucks. The thing I need help with is if there is enough descriptions and information in it or if it's too much or if it needs more. But if you have nothing else to do, and you like doing it, I guess you can edit & proofread the english version, since I like to share this story with you people. Since it's my native language, I'm better at Swedish than english, so it's easier for me to write the original in swedish and then just quickly translate it into english.

@ Kazz: yeah I know I <3 it too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Somebody got anything to say? If not, I guess you can go and make yourselves ready for the first lesson."

There was a clatter of chairs when everyone rose up and walked out into the corridor. I stayed to take a quick look at the schedule, which was stuck on the wall, to find out what lesson we were going to have.
I felt a warm breath of air on my left shoulder, and turned my head only to discover that &&&&& was standing just behind and he looked at me. He smiled at me again.
"So your name is Laura, what a nice name. Did'nt your teacher say something about that you should show me around?"
I swallowed, but did not know why.
"Do you know me?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.
"No, I don't think so"
"Okay. I was just wondering."
"Why were you wondering?"
I was silent for a few seconds.
I was just about to reply, when we were interrupted by our math teacher who suddenly stepped into the classroom, along with the rest of the class. Apparently we had been in here longer than I thought.
"Excuse me YYYYY, I forgot my folder in my locker," I said as I slipped out to get my stuff. Finally, I didn't have to be alone with him!

When I came back, I saw that he had received a mathbook by the teacher, a new one.
He lifted his head and smiled a smile at me that almost made my heart stop!
My cheeks feeling a bit hot, I sat at my desk. Which happened to be in front of his.
Oh my Bob! What's wrong with me! I do not even know him, so why am I so nervous that he is sitting right behind me?


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&


Math lesson was over. Again I went to look at the schedule, and found out that we would have arts in ten minutes.
"So, where are we going, Laura?" he asked, as he stood in the way of exit.
"We should have arts now, it's just a ten minute break, so can you please let me pass?"
"You've not forgotten that you would show me around, have you? And here I thought you were the type that keeps her promises."
"Okay then, but you must let me pass first"
"And what if I don't want to?" He grinned at me with a teasing smile.
I took a deep breath.
"I can'nt show you where we're going if you do not let me get out of here, right? So you can just move over a bit?"
"True," he replied as he pulled out of my way.
The corridor outside was almost empty, just a few people sitting on a bench together, listening to a MP3. I walked to my locker, opened it and put in my math folder in there.
&&&&&& leaned with one shoulder against the locker next to mine.
When I locked it and started walking toward the stairs to the lower floor, where the room in which arts was, he followed behind me.
It said in large letters of different colors ARTS on the door in front of us, so I hardly needed to tell him where artsroom was.
My classmates sat outside and waited for our arts teacher IIIIII would come and open. I casted an eye on the clock that hung on the wall at one end of the corridor. Seemed to be a few minutes left, so I sat on a bench and waited, as well.

[LunaWolf]

Ah, I see. In that case I may wait until you have more written, or it's nearly finished, and do it then.
You actually seem to have a good balance of description and content. (I know that's something that I struggle with sometimes.) One thing I noticed, unless I missed it, is that we don't have much of a description of the protagonist at this point. Maybe something like 'I brushed my *color* hair out of my face.'? This seems to be quite well-written at this point, though.

[Vargen Saphia]

Thanx Luna, I didn't notice.
I want it to be a bit like the song; he tricks her to follow him on Halloween...
So is he perhaps going a bit too fast with her? Or too slow? Or maybe in quite the right pace, but with wrong words / description of what he is doing?
Okay, so even I myself didn't understand the last question. But I hope you do.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I hardly had time to sit down before I saw IIIIII coming around the corner.
She unlocked the door and we entered.
I sat between two other girls in the row next to the front, hoping to sit alone without &&&&&&, and to my triumph saw that he had to sit in the corner at the back, since all the other seats were occupied.
Today's theme was free, we got to draw or paint whatever we wanted. But I couldn't concentrate, I only drew a big question mark on my paper. I was too confused because of all the questions running through my head! Who was he and what did he have to do with me? Where did he come from, and why did he get here? What have I ever done to him? Why does he make me so confused!?
As I was wondering, time flew away.
At the end of the lesson, when we would show our work, it was still just a big question mark on my paper.
"But Laura, surely, you can do better than this!" said IIII when she saw my work.
"Mm," I responded absently while I continued to wonder.
I heard IIII sigh.
"Well, it happens sometimes that one's brain just goes on holiday. Guess I can't blame you"
"Hmm," I said as I walked towards the door to get to the next lesson.
"I didn't know you were so good at drawing! This is just fantastic! Who does it represent?"
IIIII seemed quite excited, which was pretty unusual. Usually, she was completely calm, neither angry or happy.
"It's a secret," I froze with one foot outside the classroom.
Slowly I turned and saw &&&&&& who showed his paper for IIIIII.
They both lifted their gaze towards me, and I saw &&&&&& smile at me.
"Oh my! Laura looks spot on like the girl in the picture! Don't say she's the one you drew!?"
"Maybe." He looked at me as he said it, while I once again got a small glimpse of his teeth. They looked too sharp this time too. But my eyes must have tricked me again, which was not surprising given that it was a bit semi-dark in the room.

________________________________________________


For some reason, I felt for a moment, at the edge of my consciousness, fear. But only for a moment.
"It is ..." IIIII began to say, when I with tears behind my eyes, and with quick steps, walked out of the arts room, slamming the door behind me.
"Stupid idiot! Why does he do this to me!? '" What have I ever done to him!?!
It was completely empty in the corridor. I rushed over to the unused classroom at the other end of it.
I had just pressed down the handle to the room, when someone grabbed me from behind. Hard.
I tried to around, but before I could do it, I got a sack over my head, almost shutting out all light.
In vain I tried to fight back, but whoever had captured me was too strong.
"Hee ..." the person pressed their hand hard against my mouth. I bit as hard as I could, and the person who held me, quickly pulled out the hand, saying something unhearable.
"Hel ..." Something hard hit my head and caused me to lose balance. Somebody help me, please!
"Shut up or else ..."
"Or else what?" I heard someone say. Thank you, thank you very much!

[Scarikas]

I like the idea, but a tiny little tinyyyy flaw in your scentence is bothering me. It's not "proudness." it's "pride."
No worries though, I used to make the same mistake.
Also, I'd read your story but I'm currently on a library computer and I don't have much time left. The computer at home is taken up too but I'll try to read this next time I can get on.

[Vargen Saphia]

Ok.

[Vargen Saphia]

Found some new songs with the themes scary, thrilling, love, techno and some funny. They're all about characters from a certain anime where is each country is a person.
I had a problem and had to stop writing because I wanted the conversation to be realistic ( not the one in the above post, I didn't post the part coming after, coz you know, plageriasts or whatever they're called, might like use google or something, and y'kno, steal >.< )

[Foxesrule]

Found some new songs with the themes scary, thrilling, love, techno and some funny. They're all about characters from a certain anime where is each country is a person.

If you're going to send the story to a publisher, I hope you get published! I'm writing a story ((Or more...)) I'm hoping is going to get published. ((Removed the name of the anime.))

[Vargen Saphia]

Could you ppl stop mentioning the name of the anime here on the forum? Some content is not childappropiate (France, and the comments & fanart made by fangirls).

[Foxesrule]

I know that...

[Vargen Saphia]

Sorry for my rudeness, I was in a hurry and I was tired.

[Foxesrule]

Hey, it's alright. I actually laughed abit when you said France was inaproppiate.