... sorry to bring up an off-topic topic in the Off-Topic topic... XD We were discussing seasons, and this isn't related... But I'm hoping typing will calm me a bit, so... It is relating to scary stories and whatnot, although primarily just about my being afraid, but still, just as a sort of warning if you'd rather ignore me instead of being cruelly tricked into reading...
I'm reading scary stories and watching spooky videos, again... And I always seem to do it during the night, before I sleep. I never learn... I do it out of the curiosity, and because they're always so interesting; I don't do it to get scared - or at least, I don't consciously do it to get scared, as I sometimes tend to question whether my subconscious is plotting in secret... though that sounds silly, ridiculous. Anyways, I still smile and "shake my fist" at (is there truly a word for this? Like you're mad, but not mad... "DARN YOU" kind of like...) the videos that spook me; not quite screamers, but just an unexpected image or sound, and I jump.
Well, yes. Anyways, anyways...
I did it again tonight. I'm not troubled more than usual, this much is reassuring at least... But I read a terrible story -
here it is, if you'd like to read it yourself. I don't think it contains anything offensive, suggestive, etc. I suppose it might not be too scary, either, but I had watched some videos earlier that probably contributed to my being a scared, tonight, and the story fueled it further - it also being the last thing I'm thinking of, instead of anything else I've seen or read tonight.
So it's simply the typical, irrational fear one has from time to time, and you
realize that it's irrational, but that fact doesn't matter; you're still frightened, scared. Every little noise is terrifying; suddenly you can hear the smallest sound, and you're listening for anything that isn't silence. And when you hear something, you flinch and stare, your eyes searching the darkness, trying to pick something,
anything out of it. Not that it would help. Your mind plays tricks on you, with shadows dancing in the hallway, and the feeling of being watched... You shake - maybe not noticeably so when you try to watch your hands, but you can feel yourself trembling, your heart beating faster, muscles twitching, body tensing up... You know how irrational this fear is, but you can't escape it right now, you just can't. There's no such thing as monsters - they're silly, made-up, non-existent. But your mind doesn't stop thinking, imagining up the most terrifying creatures you possibly can, and you continue to watch the doorway - and unluckily, I have to turn around to do that, here. You note that finding a murderer is unlikely - you've run the event in your head numerous times, and you know you're quite safe... but you're still
terrified. You don't want to sleep, you'll end up having nightmares - or so you've convinced yourself, as it seems like there is no escape from the fear, not even in your dreams. So you seriously consider staying up until you're too tired to try anymore, and you just want to sleep, but these sounds, thoughts, and images in your head continue to keep you up...
Just for the record, this is me... xD;;
It's torturous. I need to learn to stop. >.<
I eventually leave the safety of a well-lit living room, here, and creep upstairs - where there are 4 rooms, 1 being an unfinished bathroom directly at the top of the steps, 1 being my sister's old room, partially next to the bathroom, left of the stairs, 1 being a room full of junk, directly left of the stairs and left of the old bedroom (also filled with junk), and going left-left of the stairs is my room. My dark room. There is, admittedly, a nightlight, but it changes colors, from red > green > blue > red, and so on, and red being the darkest. It also doesn't help, though - it casts ever-changing shadows, with varying light levels since it changes colors...
I'm considering leaving my lamp on, tonight. I shouldn't, but for the sake of feeling safe, and quite possibly for my own sanity, I might... Tomorrow I will be more brave - unless I'm a fool and continue reading and watching more scary stuff. And the day after, I will laugh at how silly I've been. But for now, I'm frightened again... *sigh* Though I think the typing here has helped. It's nonsense, I suppose, really, but... I am nonsense. xD
Forgive my rambling? It was long... I do think I'm a bit better, though whether it's thanks to typing or just because I waited and didn't frolic off into the darkness to fuel my fright, I don't know and I don't care enough to continue to be scared to try to find out... eek. >.<
Ohohoho, I'll have fun dreams tonight, for sure. XD Or maybe I'll be lucky... pleasebeluckypleasebeluckypleasebelucky...
Edit:
SO CRUEL but that's what I get for staying up late... My mom is back in bad, and I just heard her go, "PSSSST" real loud, telling me to go to bed. I JUMPED LOL I deserve it... but that's still so mean... XD If only she knew...
)